Maryland Mediation Blog

A mediator can assist a separating couple discuss and resolve the issues relevant to separation in a respectful and dignified manner. A mediator is not a judge and does not decide the outcome of your dispute. Rather the mediator assists you to explore your options, negotiate, and resolve issues in mediation.

A mediator is able to draft a separation agreement for you and your spouse. Once signed the separation agreement is a binding contract which describes all the issues you and your spouse discussed and the resolution or agreement made for each issue.

If you and/or your spouse files for divorce, you may include your separation agreement and ask the court to recognize the agreements you already made.

A title company may require a separation agreement (among other documents), to take the name of one spouse off the title of the marital home.

Cash flow is often a concern when couples are separating. Some couples consider what it will cost for each of them to retain an attorney.

In my Maryland mediation practice, I am frequently asked how long mediation takes and how long it takes to draft a separation agreement. I explain it is variable depending on how much "homework" you do before you come to mediation and in between each session. It stands to reason, the more you are able to resolve on your own, the less time you will spend in mediation. The more information you are able to provide the mediator during mediation, the less time it will take to draft your separation agreement.

A couple who would rather preserve their assets, e.g., cash, retirement investments, and/or childrens' college fund need not spend it all litigating (hiring attorneys and arguing in court), the terms of a separation agreement. Many couples choose to split the cost of a mediator and save significant time and expense.

When ending a marriage plans must be made, i.e, how property, both real estate and personal, will be divided; if there are children, with whom they will live; if one parent will have primary physical custody of the children, who will it be and what will be the schedule of visitation for the other parent; how much child support will be paid; and if spousal support (alimony) will be paid, the amount. Mediation is a useful tool at this time. It allows a couple to discuss their issues confidentially and in a respectful and dignified manner. Mediation is quicker than litigation, less stressful, and also saves money.

In my Maryland mediation practice, I seldom see two members of a couple who are both ready to separate at the same time. Usually one party (#1) wants to leave the home, or get the other party (#2) to leave. Party #1 may be sensitive to the fear and sadness of party #2, but has reached the end of the line and cannot try any longer. Meanwhile party #2 articulates his/her love for party #1 and wants to work it out.

The situation is painful for both parties. They are not in the same place emotionally at the same time. Emotions affect negotiations.

A skilled mediator manages the emotions expressed by the parties, keeps the mediation under control despite any strong personalities in the room, and keeps negotiations moving forward.

Unlike marriage counseling, mediation is not the place to launch into a "he said, she said" dialogue and reexamine the wrongs previously done to one party by the other. Mediation is forward thinking. A mediator assists the parties to identify issues needing resolution, find options and possible solutions, and negotiate an agreement which will facilitate the parties living separate lives.

If you are not ready, no time is a good time to end a relationship. If you are ready, or if your spouse has told you s/he is ready, while you are not ready to separate, mediation can help you resolve issues and create a plan during this very scarey and stressful time.

I am an attorney and a mediator. My law and my mediation practices are located in the State of Maryland. Both my law and mediation practices have a web presence. The two practices have separate websites.

Recently, I received a call from a married man in Maryland. The man stated he is seeking to separate from his wife and needs advice about separation and divorce. He also stated he wants to participate in mediation. But, he is not sure his wife will agree to participate in mediation, and therefore he wants to consult with an attorney first.

I was not sure whether the man on the telephone found me through the legal or the mediation website, this blog, or a referral from another client. I asked him if he called me related to mediation. He said he did. I asked if he wanted to hire me as his mediator. He said he did. Then, I asked if he knew I am an attorney. He said he did. I asked him if he wanted me to provide him with legal advice. He said he wanted to meet with me and have a legal consultation about separation and divorce in case mediation did not work out.

After clarifying the man's intentions, I was compelled to tell him, I could not provide him with legal advice regarding separation and divorce and then switch hats and be the impartial mediator for him and his wife. Additionally, I mentioned I cannot be a mediator for him and his wife, and then become his attorney, if he and his wife are unable to reach an agreement in mediation.

I would violate legal and mediation ethics if I were to meet the man and provide legal consultation, then attempt to mediate for him and his wife. Cautious to limit what the man told me regarding the details of his marriage, I suggested he contact another attorney for a legal consultation. Then I invited him to contact me again if he and his wife decide to pursue mediation.

When parents fight, children get scared. Parents acting in the best interest of their children work to reduce conflict around their children. Mediation is an excellent way for parents to reduce conflict.

In my Maryland practice, mediation is hard work. Parents negotiate who will have primary physical custody. Some parents negotiate a cooperative agreement and attempt to share physical custody. Parents who mediate are interested in reaching a mutually agreeable plan rather than having an arrangement dictated by the court, or a stranger in a black robe.

Where it is agreed one parent will have primary physical custody, the mediation process helps parents work out a visitation schedule. In mediation parents also learn how to communicate and negotiate independently, or without a third party, which is helpful when future events arise that may cause conflict, e.g., significant changes in a parent's or child's schedule.

Child support, which parent will pay the other, and how much, is an issue that a mediator assists parents discuss in mediation. Some couples negotiate the issue of spousal support, or alimony. Property settlement, who will stay in the family home, or what will become of marital property, is also negotiated in mediation.

Parents reaching an agreement and reducing the stress to which their children are exposed is in the best interest of their children. The majority of couples can reach an agreement through mediation. Parents who do not reach a negotiated agreement may have a stranger in a black robe render a decision, spend lots of money on attorneys, end up without custody or with little visitation, and increase the resentment felt toward each another. 

The application and hearing process of the Social Security Administration (SSA) is supposed to be impartial and non-adversarial.  The Administrative Law Judge (ALJ)  who hears cases for the SSA is supposed to protect the interest of the government, and ensure the claimant's rights are protected. The ALJ is not supposed to act as if in opposition to the claimant.

A claimant has a right to a fair hearing. Fair might be construed as impartial. If the ALJ, for example, states she or he does not "believe in disability," the statement could be construed as indicating the ALJ is not impartial.

A claimant has a right to obtain an attorney. Some claimants obtain an attorney very close to the date of the hearing. Often the attorney is already scheduled to be in another legal proceeding at the same time. In that case the attorney might advise the claimant to attend
the scheduled hearing, advise the ALJ an attorney has been retained, and request a postponement of the hearing.

If the claimant follows these instructions and the ALJ responds, "Why do you need an attorney? I've had your file on my desk for two years and I've already made up my mind," this statement could be construed as indicating the ALJ is not impartial, or non-adversarial.

The Social Security Administration has a policy of recording hearings. In some cases there is conversation in the hearing room between a claimant and ALJ or the claimant's attorney and the ALJ before the formal hearing begins. Sometimes there is also conversation among them after the hearing ends.

A claimant and/or attorney may request the hearing attendant begin recording as soon as the claimant, or claimant and attorney enter the hearing room and keep recording until they leave the room. Ultimately, the decision when to record is the ALJ's.

Assuming the recording is not altered, the claimant, and/or claimant's attorney, and ALJ have evidence should there be any question regarding impartiality or misconduct.