When ending a marriage plans must be made, i.e, how property, both real estate and personal, will be divided; if there are children, with whom they will live; if one parent will have primary physical custody of the children, who will it be and what will be the schedule of visitation for the other parent; how much child support will be paid; and if spousal support (alimony) will be paid, the amount. Mediation is a useful tool at this time. It allows a couple to discuss their issues confidentially and in a respectful and dignified manner. Mediation is quicker than litigation, less stressful, and also saves money.
In my Maryland mediation practice, I seldom see two members of a couple who are both ready to separate at the same time. Usually one party (#1) wants to leave the home, or get the other party (#2) to leave. Party #1 may be sensitive to the fear and sadness of party #2, but has reached the end of the line and cannot try any longer. Meanwhile party #2 articulates his/her love for party #1 and wants to work it out.
The situation is painful for both parties. They are not in the same place emotionally at the same time. Emotions affect negotiations.
A skilled mediator manages the emotions expressed by the parties, keeps the mediation under control despite any strong personalities in the room, and keeps negotiations moving forward.
Unlike marriage counseling, mediation is not the place to launch into a "he said, she said" dialogue and reexamine the wrongs previously done to one party by the other. Mediation is forward thinking. A mediator assists the parties to identify issues needing resolution, find options and possible solutions, and negotiate an agreement which will facilitate the parties living separate lives.
If you are not ready, no time is a good time to end a relationship. If you are ready, or if your spouse has told you s/he is ready, while you are not ready to separate, mediation can help you resolve issues and create a plan during this very scarey and stressful time.
Separation
March 23, 2009
