When a couple with children separates or divorces the children are the unwittting victims. The end of the relationship as a couple puts tremendous stress on children as well as on parents. While the relationship of a couple may be terminating, the couples' jobs as parents is not. Parental "job performance" has lasting effects on children.
In my Maryland mediation practice I assist couples to negotiate the issue of child custody. As a mediator, I am a neutral third party. I do not decide who gets the children. Parents of young children may have an especially agonizing decision.The couple desperately want to be free of each other, yet they each want to tuck young children in bed every night. Sometimes a couple divides custody of children as the couple divided their personal property. Where children are older, parents may agree to a trial period of custody at each parent's home, after which the children are allowed to decide where they want to live.
If two parents can sit in the same room and speak rationally to each other about child custody, they have an advantage. They may not end up in the court system. If, however, the couple needs a little help working out the issue of child custody, mediation is an ideal process to assist two parents willing to work with one another on the issue of child custody.
Couples who cannot sit together, or work with a mediator to discuss the issue of child custody may end up resorting to a stressful and expensive alternative; that is, litigation. When a couple engages in litigation, one or both may come away with much less than he or she imagined possible.
If you believe your argument for obtaining custody of your child is the best, or strongest, and you are represented by an attorney, consider the fact that your partner or spouse may also believe his or her argument is the strongest, and may also be represented by an attorney. It is risky for two parents to go into court unable to decide the issue of child custody. That couple is essentially asking a total stranger to decide the fate of the parents and the children.
There is no need for parents to place themselves in such a vulnerable position. Mediation is a safe, confidential alternative to litigation. What goes on in mediation is not a matter of public record. During mediation, no one enters the room except the couple and the mediator. If the couple agree to bring attorneys, accountants, or other advisers, they too may accompany the couple.
Should you choose to litigate the issue of child custody in court, you should know it is not confidential. The court room is open to the public. Anyone may enter and listen. Your litigation is a matter of public record.
Few things are more frustrating than a dispute hanging over your head. However, if you choose to mediate, you may schedule mediation much sooner than a court date. With the assistance of a mediator, the issue of child custody can be resolved before you could even obtain a date for a hearing in court.
