Saying goodbye to family or friends who die in old age is very sad. When death takes a young parent the loss is too painful to understand. Where terminal illness rather than an accident claims the life of a young parent, there may be time to make decisions regarding the end of life, e.g., guardianship of children who have no surviving parent, or guardianship of the children's property when the divorced and dying parent does not want the surviving parent to have access to, or control of, the property or assets left to the minor children.
When the dying person is certain who he wants to have control of his children's lives or their property, he may so designate his wishes in his Will. If however, he does not share his intentions with family who would assume this responsibility might become theirs, e.g., grandparents or surviving biological parent, prior to his death, his wishes may cause conflict when he passes away. Consider, before his death, the dying parent who executed a Will and appointed his best friend executor of his estate, and another trusted friend trustee and guardian of the property of the minor children. The deceased purposely excluded his parents and the children's mother from any responsibility related to the children or their property. The children's mother had been estranged from her in-laws prior to the death of the children's father, from whom the mother was divorced. With her ex-husband's death, the children's mother had to go to the children's trustee and ask for additional sums of money as needed.
The grandparents, who were already devastated by the loss of their son, were further hurt when they realized they had no control of their grandchildren's lives or property, and they would have to go through their estranged daughter-in-law in order to communicate or visit with their grandchildren. Further, the grandparents had no idea who the friends were who were appointed executor and trustee and whether they would act in their grandchildren's best interest.
Unable to save their son, and devastated by their loss, the surviving parents who learned they had no control over their grandchildren's lives hired an attorney.
Mediation rather than litigation was ideal for this family. The grandparents, daughter-in-law and son's friends had a significant issue in common; the welfare of the minor children. Continuing to travel a path of alienation, the parties were unable to communicate civilly or rationally. Mediation assisted them to confidentially communicate and vent emotions, discuss the issues that concerned each party, get rid of some misconceptions, and to learn communication skills to help them discuss concerns in the future.
