One would expect when a relationship ends, the parties "disengage." Instead this is often when the war begins. This is especially true when one party was ready, and terminated the relationship, leaving the former partner shocked and/or not ready to end the relationship.
When a former partner is not ready to end a relationship, the party who ended the relationship may continue to receive unwanted communication from the former partner. Goodwill may prevail and the party who ended the relationship may respond to the former partner. However, a condition of response may be respect of boundaries by the former partner. An example of respecting boundaries may be the former partner agreeing not to bring up emotional issues, or only discussing business issues.
When the party who ended the relationship is bombarded by the former partner with issues that cross the line, i.e., dishonor the boundaries, total disengagement may be necessary. The former partner may be unable to understand or deal with total disengagement, and in fact escalate behavior in an effort to engage the party who ended the relationship. Depending on the escalation of behavior there are a number of alternatives.
Mediation offers each party an opportunity to accomplish their objectives. The mediator is a neutral third party who can help the parties communicate. The party who ended the relationship may need to acknowledge that the former partner has emotional issues related to the termination of the relationship. The former partner may need to acknowledge there are issues which violate the boundaries of the party who ended the relationship.
By definition, the mediator, a neutral third party, should not have an association with either party. Parties in conflict do themselves a disservice when they ask a family member, friend, or co-worker to mediate. A trained mediator, who does not have an association with either party is qualified to assist the parties communicate effectively and resolve conflict.
When a relationship ends, so too should the war. Parties who disengage do not continue to do battle. Mediation assists parties who are terminating relationships to unravel domestic and/or business relationships, which makes the business of disengaging less complicated. The communication skills used in mediation benefit former domestic and/or business partners which allows them to move forward and not perpetuate the war.
