Maryland Mediation Blog

Communication is essential for healthy relationships. The family is the first place we learn to communicate. The level of each family member 's growth and development influences how they communicate within the family. Furthermore the stage at which the family is, as a unit, influences the way in which they communicate. For example, newlyweds communicate differently than couples married for decades. Parents of young children communicate differently than parents of teenagers.

People who take charge, challenge authority, and take risks communicate differently than those who "go with the flow," and do not question authority. Differences in communication styles may cause conflict within families. Additionally, how family members work through issues influences their communication styles and problem solving abilities.  

The family unit is the "stage" on which the family "drama" unfolds. Each family member plays a role. How family members listen, or not, is significant with respect to the support family members give one another. Conflict may arise if members do not support one another, for example, if one parent takes a firm approach to parenting, while the other does not, and the parents disagree with one another in front of the children, problems arise and conflict is a frequent visitor. While younger children may find comfort in a firm, unchanging, family structure middle schoolers and teens are prone to act out, demand more flexibility, and expect options.

Discussing rules for bed time, bathing, homework, household chores, going out with friends, and curfews, before they are broken is helpful in establishing expectations. Similarly, explaining privileges and consequences for rules honored and broken is helpful before there is a misunderstanding. Meeting at meal times, or an established "family time" to discuss issues such as these is an effective way to maintain healthy family communication. Whether or not children and adults agree with one another, articulating respect for each others ideas goes a long way toward maintaining healthy family relations.

In my Maryland mediation practice parents benefit from participation in mediation. They gather information and obtain communication skills which help them deal effectively with issues which trigger conflict. Mediation assists parents alter the way they manage family conflict, strengthen their ability to work together, and problem solve. Parent-teen mediation is also effective for helping families communicate as a unit rather than focusing blame on an individual family member. Furthermore, while teens and parents frequently do not agree on issues, mediation assists parents and teens deal with disagreement more peacefully and less stressfully.

In the State of Maryland, where I practice mediation, the Code of Maryland Regulations provides "all students in Maryland's Public Schools, without exception, and regardless of race, ethnicity, region, religion, gender, sexual orientation, language, socioeconomic status, age or disability have the right to educational environments that are safe; optimal for academic achievement; and free from any form of harassment." Unfortunately, as in all other States, bullying also occurs in Maryland schools. Students who are bullied have difficulty defending themselves and consequently their ability to benefit from the education and activities offered in school are adversely affected.

Bullying occurs where there is an imbalance of power and strength and one or more students repeatedly and aggressively victimize another. Students who bully may use physical force or engage in other behaviors to gain power over students who are perceived as weaker or vulnerable. Bullies may harass their victims in other ways where adults will not typically notice, for example via email, texts, and instant messages. Online harassment and threats may be reported to police and Internet Service Providers. Bullies have a difficult time recognizing or appreciating others' feelings. Adult intervention is often necessary to stop bullying. However, teachers, school staff, and other adults need to ensure victims are not additionally harmed when an adult steps in to help.

Schools need to be receptive to reports of bullying, ensure that staff respond quickly, and that adequate follow-up is made.Teachers, bus drivers, librarians, cafeteria workers, school nurses, and all non-teaching staff need to address the issue of bullying if it happens on their watch. Additionally, students and parents must be provided information about the rules and consequences related to bullying.

Students who witness bullying should be expected to report what they saw, and educated about bullying and what is expected should they witness it again. Role playing is a useful method of teaching students about bullying, expected responses by witnesses, and how to interact socially in order to reduce the likelihood of future bullying. Additionally, bullies may need help related to aggressive behavior or violence they experience outside of school and/or in their home lives.

Teachers and school administrators can include the subject of bullying prevention in the curriculum. For more information for adults, educators, and students visit the website of the U.S. Department of Health Resources and Services Administration. Additionally, the Maryland State Department of Education offers a Power Point presentation on Bullying Prevention.

Mediation of disputes by trained students (peer mediators), helps prevent bullying and violence in schools and resolve conflicts among students. Peer mediation is used in Maryland schools and schools throughout the United States. Peer mediation is a confidential and voluntary process. Peer mediators are trained in conflict management and negotiation skills, which they learn through role-play, and problem based learning.

Peer mediators help keep the peace in schools. They help students in dispute resolve conflicts, but do not make decisions about which student has the winning argument.  Peer mediators seek to move students in dispute from blaming each other to finding a mutually satisfactory resolution to their dispute. Peer mediators help students with issues such as cheating, stealing, classroom and/or extracurricular disputes, rumor spreading/gossip, relationship problems, harassment, racial and cultural conflicts, and fighting. Problems that are more serious, for example, sexual abuse, assault, suicide, drug use, and possession of weapons require professional intervention.

Children more readily speak to their peers than to adults. Peer mediators mirror the diversity found among the students with whom they will mediate, for example, culture, gender, and race. Peer mediators learn communication skills which help them help their peers prevent and resolve conflict. Students with more serious conflicts may be helped by peer mediators to keep disputes out of the judicial system.

Peer mediation seeks to empower students, help them listen to one another, put themselves in the shoes of another student involved in the dispute, discuss the dispute, and think critically. Peer mediators help students improve self-esteem. Additionally, peer mediators help students gain communication and conflict management skills which are used both in and outside of school.

Continue reading "Peer Mediation - Students Helping Students Resolve Conflict" »

What is the value of your dispute? What is your friend willing to pay/offer? How much can you obtain in small claims court? What will it cost you to file a claim? Will you hire an attorney? If you have a contract, will you end up paying more to enforce the contract than it is worth?

How much time do you think a judge will give you and your friend to bicker in the court room? What will you do if the judge tells you to go out in the hall and work it out? When your friendship took on another dimension did you discuss how you would resolve a business dispute? Did you consider if a financial dispute does not kill your friendship that litigation surely will?
Mediation allows friends in dispute to maintain a relationship and in many cases repair it. There are no two people more qualified to debate and resolve the issues of your conflict, than you and your friend. Mediation, unlike litigation is a confidential process. In a court room any one can enter and listen. Mediation is voluntary. Should you and your friend not resolve your dispute in mediation, you have the right to litigate in court, where a stranger (judge) will decide the outcome of your dispute.

In my Maryland mediation practice, mediations are scheduled in a safe, peaceful environment, in two-hour sessions. The fee for mediation is split equally between the parties in dispute. A mediator is a neutral third party, who does not decide which party is right or wrong, or who wins or loses. A mediator assists people in dispute rationally and respectfully discuss the issues in dispute, possible solutions, and negotiate a resolution to the dispute. You and your friend can control your destiny and each walk away with at least some of what you want. If, and when, you litigate a dispute in court, one of you will leave a total loser. Who it is may unfortunately surprise you.