Maryland Mediation Blog

Even partners who split on good terms have difficulty coping with change. It is possible for you and your partner, on your own, to decide how to handle the issues which must be resolved. However, sitting down and having a "civilized" conversation with your partner may be more than you can handle. Couples who are unable to engage in civilized discussion may have disagreements which escalate to full blown disputes. At that time couples may find themselves involved with the legal system.

Mediation is an alternative method of dispute resolution that is useful when you are separating from a marriage, a civil union, or living with someone. Mediation allows you and your partner to meet face-to-face to discuss arrangements for your future. Mediation is confidential and provides an environment where both parties can feel safe discussing their situation and exploring scenarios for settlement. Mediation is especially helpful if you have children.

A mediator assists couples talk to each other. The more comfortable parents are talking to each other the healthier the situation is for the children. Parents who are comfortable talking to each other make separation easier for children.

A mediator is a neutral third party. Mediators do not give legal advice or decide issues. In my Maryland mediation practice I assist couples put strong emotions on the side and discuss practical solutions for difficult issues, such as children, home, money, and other property.

Couples who are unable to discuss issues with each other may end up spending a lot of money for attorneys to negotiate a settlement for them. If the couple is still unable to resolve their issues with attorneys, the couple will have a stranger, a judge, decide their future. Couples who want to maintain control of their future choose mediation.

For the convenience of Maryland Mediation Blog readers, the following is an index of article titles and dates published.

After you click on a hyperlink, you may need to scroll down the page to locate the article.

"What Is Mediation?" - January 2, 2009

"What Is A Mediator?" - January 5, 2009

"Why Choose Mediation?"" - January 12, 2009

"What Happens During Mediation?" - January 19, 2009

"Becoming A Mediator In Maryland" - January 26, 2009

"Choosing A Maryland Mediator "- February 2, 2009

"Premarital Mediation"- February 9, 2009

"Marital Conflicts" - February 11, 2009

"Parent-Teen Mediation" - February 13, 2009

"Divorce Mediation" - February 16, 2009

"Elder Care Issue Resolution" - February 20, 2009

"Non-Adversarial v. Adversarial Approaches to Dispute Resolution" - February 23, 2009

"Impartial? Make Sure The Evidence Is Preserved" - March 1, 2009
(This article is about the Social Security Administration's Administrative Hearing Process and a representative of the Social Security Administration.)

"Mediation - For The Sake Of The Children" - March 9, 2009

"Mediator Or Legal Advisor" - March 16, 2009

"Separation" - March 23, 2009

"Separation Agreement" - March 29, 2009

"Conflicts In Religious Groups" - April 12, 2009

"Child Custody" - April 19, 2009

"Telephone Mediation" - April 26, 2009

"Disputes Between Neighbors" - May 3, 2009

"Thank You" - May 10, 2009

"End Of Life Issues - Guardianship" - May 17, 2009

"End Of Life Issues - Spirituality" - May 24, 2009

"Your Dog Is Killing My Lawn" - June 1, 2009

"Divorce And The Marriage Of Psychology and Mediation" - June 7, 2009

"Whose Child Is It - Individual Conflict Resolution?" - June 14, 2009

"Domestic Violence And Mediation" - June 21, 2009

"Elder Issues - Telephone Mediation" - June 28, 2009

"Post Divorce Mediation" - July 6, 2009

"When The Relationship Is Over But The War Keeps Going" - July 13, 2009

"Divorce, Children, and Boundaries" - July 20, 2009

"Separation & Divorce and Parent - Teen Mediation" - July 27, 2009

"Co-Parenting During Separation and/or Divorce" - August 3, 2009

"District Court And Community Mediation In The State Of Maryland" - August 10, 2009

"Circuit Court Mediation In The State Of Maryland" - August 17, 2009

"Construction Mediation" - August 24, 2009

"Mediation & Business Disputes With Friends (Part I) " - August 31, 2009

"Mediation & Business Disputes With Friends (Part II)" - September 7, 2009

"Peer Mediation - Students Helping Students Resolve Conflict" - September 14, 2009

"Bullying Is Not Just A Rite Of Passage" - September 21, 2009

"Mediation Makes Sense For Parents And Teens" - September 29, 2009

"Separation and Divorce - Scheduling Mediation" - October 6, 2009

"How To Get Ready For Mediation" - October 12, 2009

Before you contact a mediator sort out what you want to mediate. Have an idea what you want from mediation. Keep in mind the person with whom you have a dispute may not trust you and therefore has no reason to agree to use the mediator you choose. If you can convince him/her to consider mediation, you might want to give him/her the contact information of two or more mediators, then discuss with each other which mediator to use.

Before mediation consider whether there are any terms under which you would consider settling your dispute. While you may be certain your argument is stronger, keep in mind you may obtain new or additional information at mediation which may allow you to see things differently. If, however, there are absolutely no terms under which you would consider settling, consider whether mediation is worth your time. You may prefer to gamble and let a judge decide your destiny.

Prior to mediation you will receive an agreement to sign. The agreement is a list of terms to which you agree when you mediate, including, but not limited to, a confidentiality statement, which states what is said in mediation is not to be repeated to anyone else without the permission of both parties. Additionally, if an agreement is not reached and the matter goes to court, neither party may quote in court what was said in mediation. Furthermore, the mediator cannot be subpoenaed to testify in court.

A neutral third party, my goal is to level, and keep the "playing field" level. When mediating conflicts related to separation and divorce, which are not referred to me by the court, if one party has an attorney and the other does not, I prefer the attorney, in the interest of balance, not attend the mediation. Furthermore, if the matter is domestic, and has been referred by the court, attorneys usually choose not to attend. However, in other civil, non-domestic matters attorneys frequently attend mediation.

It is not necessary to bring a stack of documents to mediation with you. The mediator will not review the documents in order to decide which party wins or loses. However, bringing to the mediation a list of issues you consider relevant to your dispute may be useful to ensure you address each one or include them in a summary of the facts.

If an agreement is reached in mediation, the parties may request the mediator draft a document which memorializes the terms of the agreement. I advise parties to contact an attorney for the purpose of reviewing any Agreement I draft prior to each party signing the Agreement. Keep in mind, should one or both parties violate the Agreement, the mediator is not responsible for enforcing its terms. The parties may, however, petition and seek a remedy from the court.

Mediation is voluntary. There are no up front retainers, and you pay as you go. Fees for mediation vary. In my Maryland mediation practice the fee is based on an hourly rate and is due at the time of mediation. Prior to attending the mediation session, the parties are expected to decide between themselves how the fee will be divided among them. Mediation sessions are usually scheduled for a minimum two hours. You may, however, try an introductory session, which is one to two hours. Should you find mediation is of no benefit to you, you are under no obligation to continue.

A type of psychotherapy, marriage counseling allows couples to discuss their relationship, and how they feel about it. Marriage counseling provides treatment for a spectrum of behavioral, mental, and emotional problems. Marriage counseling is most successful when a couple is still in love, wants to save their relationship, and is open to
therapy.

Mediation is not psychotherapy. It is not marriage counseling. Mediation during separation and divorce helps couples find and negotiate solutions to issues related to the unraveling of their relationship, for example: Parenting i.e., custody, visitation and support; Property i.e., the division of marital property (real estate, and personal), assets, pensions, and debt; Insurance i.e., health, life, and auto; Taxes i.e., filing, and refunds; and Spousal support i.e., alimony.

In my Maryland mediation practice I initially meet with both parties simultaneously. A neutral and impartial third party, I will not, prior to meeting the couple, speak to either party alone.

Couples who choose to mediate during separation or divorce are often able to reach an agreement after three to four mediation sessions. Each session is two hours in length. Couples are directed to visit and read Mdmediator.com to find answers to their mediation questions prior to scheduling mediation. Additionally, earlier articles published throughout this blog, which are easily accessed in the "Monthly Archives" section on the right margin of the blog are helpful, as well as the January 19, 2009, article, (scroll down the page after clicking on the link), "What Happens During Mediation?"

After reading Mdmediator.com as well as the articles published on this blog, couples who continue to have questions about mediation may schedule an introductory mediation session to meet me and ask questions. Prior to contacting my office, please speak to each other and make a list of three or four dates and times you are both available. With that information in hand, then contact my office and schedule a day or evening mediation session.